I am not practical…and I’m starting to make peace with that.

In my last session with Margaux, or as I affectionately call her, The Coach Lady, we started diving into which roles I feel most energized in and which roles drain me the most.

It turns out that being methodical and detail-oriented aren’t my jam, and the more I try to fit into that expected mould, the more off my game I feel.

This became even more apparent recently as we entered discussions about how we can increase the impact of karmadharma, and what direction(s) we take to grow the business.

Sensing and Responding

I realize the traditional route to a future state is in Column A below. Set a destination, determine all the steps to get there, and methodically execute the plan.

The thing is, I don’t exactly know what the end state of karmadharma is. What I do know with every fiber of my being, however, is what we are here to accomplish: help individuals and organizations find meaning and have the courage to be themselves in this lifetime. So, I find myself firmly entrenched in column B.

So instead of setting a goal and working on the plan (traditional path), I brainstorm the possibilities for fulfilling our mission, testing and building on them (non-traditional). I am working from a place of sensing what is needed and then responding to feedback from our clients and the market to continue building on that momentum.

I realize that this approach can at times feel chaotic and overwhelming for some of my team . 

Leaving my shell

This is why I do regular check-ins, and there is a lot of back-and-forth communication between the vision and the team executing it. And even though I am not following the traditional Column A approach, I have realized that even this coming back down to earth and mapping out each detail of the plan drains me. The good news is that I can get help on this front! I work with amazing people who are extraordinary at operationalizing a plan and making sure we can bring it to term.

These are also the same great people who can tell me when we have too much on the go and need to dial down any new initiatives until we have absorbed the past ones. Drowning in new shiny toys is a terrible way to die.

I now realize I am okay to work towards an undefined ending, one that I know will take us on our road to enlightenment, our dharma. And I have come to peace with the fact that it will not be a linear journey. How do I stay in this state? This nourishing, propelling energy?

First, it starts with getting out of the shell that I falsely perceived as protecting me after realizing it is only serving to store my baggage. In other words, the secondly part comes with a whole bunch of letting go.

Letting go of self-doubt. Thoughts that I am not good enough. Thoughts of who am I to be doing this work? That I don’t have a Ph.D. That I don’t have an endless track record as a CEO. That I have to be good at all parts of the business. That I have to be practical, linear, methodical…

It is finding peace in all the places I shine and finding help in the places I don’t. Where I can be generous, loving and compassionate. Where I can dream, ideate, and inspire. Where I can own and celebrate my genius rather than lamenting my shortcomings. Where I can be unapologetically me, in all my glory and humanity.

How about you?

Is there a space in your life you would love to be living in most of the time? Think about it. 

Are you stuck doing draining shit because you can’t see a way out.

There is a better way. I promise. I haven’t fully gotten there myself, but I know it is out there. And every inch closer I get to it, the lighter I feel, and the closer I get to taking off.