Over the years, I’ve attended countless leadership trainings, conferences, and coaching sessions. Each experience has offered valuable insights, but three questions stand out as the most powerful tools for personal and professional growth. These questions have consistently helped me shift my perspective and get closer to the highest version of myself as a leader, partner, mother, and friend.
They are simple yet profound:
- Is it true?
- Can I control it?
- Is this thought, behaviour, belief, or story serving me?
These questions act as a mental reset button, particularly when I’m stuck in a negative thought pattern or feeling unproductive. By pausing and reflecting on these questions, I can move out of an unresourceful state and back into a place of clarity and purpose.
Imagine you’re leading a project, and things aren’t going as planned. The deadlines are tight, the team is underperforming, and you’re feeling the pressure. You start thinking, “I’m failing as a leader. Everyone must be losing confidence in me.” This is a common scenario that many leaders face, and it’s easy to spiral into self-doubt. However, this is where the power of these three questions can help you regain control and perspective.
First, ask yourself, “Is it true that I’m failing as a leader?” The answer may not be as clear-cut as your emotions suggest. While the project may be facing challenges, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re failing. Perhaps there are external factors at play—maybe the scope of the project was underestimated, or there were unforeseen complications. By challenging this thought, you create space for a more nuanced understanding of the situation.
Next, consider, “Can I control every aspect of this project?” The reality is that you can’t control everything. There are always variables beyond your control, such as client demands, team dynamics, or unforeseen obstacles. However, you can control how you respond to these challenges. Shifting your focus from what’s uncontrollable to what you can influence—your mindset, leadership, and decision-making—can help you move from a place of helplessness to proactive problem-solving.
Finally, ask yourself, “Is this belief that I’m failing serving me?” Clearly, it isn’t. Holding onto this negative narrative only adds to your stress and detracts from your ability to lead effectively. By releasing this story and replacing it with a more constructive one—such as “I’m facing challenges, but I’m capable of navigating them”—you empower yourself to approach the situation with clarity and purpose.
These three questions—Is it true? Can I control it? Is it serving me?—are more than just stress management tools; they are catalysts for personal and professional transformation. Regularly asking yourself these questions fosters self-reflection that leads to better decision-making, enhanced emotional intelligence, and greater resilience.
Leadership coaching can be instrumental in helping you consistently apply these tools. A skilled coach can guide you through these questions, deepening your understanding and responses, which in turn enhances both your professional role and personal growth.
The next time you find yourself in a challenging situation, take a moment to ask these three questions. You might be surprised at how much clarity, peace, and power they can bring into your life. By integrating them into your daily routine, you’ll find yourself moving closer to the highest version of yourself.
